Category Archives: Family

Mother’s Day Reflections

Mother’s Day Reflections

Mother’s Day Repost: Birth of a Mother at 45

I first wrote a version of this post nearly a decade ago, but wanted to share it again here for Mother’s Day.

What struck me most about turning 45 was that my mother, at 45 years old gave birth to me.  I was her second child, her first child, my brother, was born when she was 43.  That was in the 60’s when most women did not have babies that late in life. She was a Navy nurse, an RN, who went on to get her Ph.D. She was used to doing things most women didn’t do at that time.   My mother died from breast cancer when I was seven months pregnant with my own first child. As a new mother, I had never needed her more.

The last words my mother spoke to me were “I will always hold your hand”. I held her tiny, cold, and puffy hand through that last night of her life in the hospital. In the morning I watched her chest rise and fall, as she slowly took her very last breath. I truly expected to feel her presence then, as she had promised, but felt nothing. I looked for her everywhere for weeks, for months, but she was gone. The stark finality of death confounded me.

When my first child was born three months later, I half expected to look into her eyes and see my mother’s soul. It was clear however, that my daughter was a unique individual from the very start. I had to come to terms with the fact that my longing was just a wishful notion. The magical thinking that follows death of a loved one.
I did find her,  eventually, but not where I would have expected. A year and a half later, on a wintery night, my baby woke me with her cries. With a fierce mothers need to warm and comfort her, I brought her into bed with us. I hushed her, and soothed her, and held her hand as we both finally drifted off to sleep.

My epiphany came somewhere in that hypnagogic state. The hand that I was holding was suddenly so familiar, tiny, cold, and puffy in mine. I had held this hand before.
I was flooded with the exaltation of a reunion with a long lost love, wakened now by the realization that a baton had been passed. My mother was there, where she had been all along. That intense mother love, that profound need to soothe my baby’s cries,resonated within, and I found her deep inside me. I was the mother now. She had shown me the way. I understood that the incredible depth of what I felt for my daughter, was how my own mother had always felt for me, and she was there.

Photo by Michelle Amarante

Honestly, for the first time I reflected on the gestation, birthing, nursing, and holding, all of the draining things mothers give to their new child with love. All that she gave of herself was what brought me here, to my own motherhood. Now, whenever the small hand of one of my own children slips into mine, I hear her words, “I will always hold your hand, ” and she is there with me.

 

This post was modified and reposted from “I Will Always Hold Your Hand” on www.amomknowsbest.com
The author at 45

Guest Interview on the Dramatic Travels Podcast

Guest Interview on the Dramatic Travels Podcast

 

I was thrilled at the opportunity to be interviewed by Aaron Schlein for the Dramatic Travels podcast. Interestingly it felt more vulnerale or revealing to share some of these stories in a podcast interview than has felt for me to write about them in the past. Eleanor Roosevelt suggested:

“Do one thing every day that scares you.” Eleanor Roosevelt

This was my thing that day. You can listen to the podcast through the link below:

Elizabeth Atalay on Dramatic Travels

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Aaron Schlein launched the inspirational family travel podcast Dramatic Travels earlier this year as a resource for family travel, a way to ignite curiosity, and to open people’s minds to the power of travel. In each episode Aaron talks travel with passionate and experienced travelers who are sharing the world, and that love of adventure, with their kids.

Follow more Dramatic Travels on:

Instagram

the Dramatic Travels website

and Twitter

 

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3 Great Family Road Trips Abroad

3 Great Family Road Trips Abroad

A number of years ago we decided that we needed to seize our opportunity for the six of us to take valuable memory making family trips as frequently as we could before the kids went off to college. Often our destinations have been dictated as much by desired locations as flight costs. We search on websites like Cheapoair and kayak to help us find the best flight deals. We usually end up doing what we call high/low travel, mixing youth hostel stays in with resorts, and tend to keep our itineraries somewhat flexible by booking key accommodations and then finding others along the way. This is surprisingly easy to do with websites like booking.com, tripadvisor, and hostelworld, and that flexibility has led us to some incredible experiences. Keep an eye out for detailed travelogues and trip guides for each of the below family adventures on documama in the next few months.

Iceland

Iceland

I call this the land of rainbows and ponies because we saw at least 1 rainbow a day and Icelandic horses were everywhere. Iceland had not been on our radar until we saw the amazing airfare on WOW airlines. We’d never heard of WOW airlines… but we were intrigued! This was a fantastic trip that the kids all loved. You have to rent a car to get around and there was a lot of driving involved, but the roads were pretty much empty, and the scenery is spectacular.  Frequent stops to take pictures of waterfalls, climb on the lava rocks, check out the ancient moss fields, and visit volcanos, glaciers, and hot springs make the driving worthwhile. And in 5 days we only made it around 1/4 of the country’s one main ring road! accommodations are few and far between but through booking.com and airbnb everyplace we stayed was great. 

iceland trip

Croatia, Bosnia & Montenegro

croatia

We flew into Zagreb instead of Split because, you guessed it…..the flights were more affordable. Zagreb is a great little city though with a vibrant market, some beautiful architecture, and a bustling city square. This also gave us the opportunity to visit the spectacular waterfalls of plitvice and the birth place of Nikola Tesla on our way to and from the coast. This region has very good roads and was easy to navigate in our rental a car ( aside from the hair-raising mountain pass our navigation system took us through in Bosnia in error). Accommodation highlights were nights inside the ancient walled Roman cities, which I highly recommend, and a couple of fantastic beach resorts. Between the rich history, the spectacular beaches, and the numerous world heritage sites, this trip has something for everyone.

Croatia map

Ireland/Northern Ireland

ireland

Despite the narrow roads a road trip around Ireland and Northern Ireland is easy to do. We found wonderful bed and breakfasts along the way which we mixed in with a few youth hostel stays . Our itinerary was provided by our Irish friend and we pretty much visited all of the places he suggested. There is amazing history and scenery everywhere and of course great pub food! We were blown away by the ancient beehive huts around Dingle and the 5,000 year old megalithic passage tomb sites of Newgrange, the kids loved climbing around abandoned castles and the incredible Giant’s Causeway. This is again a wonderful family trip that was a crowd pleaser!

ire roadmap

 

Bon Voyage!

Rhode Island March Of Dimes March For Babies

Rhode Island March Of Dimes March For Babies

Baby and Mom Arms

Photo Credit: March of Dimes

Giving birth is a miraculous moment for mothers, yet it can also be one of the most terrifying and treacherous for both mother and child.  I’ll never forget the excitement of the birth of my brother’s first child, and then the breath holding trepidation while he stayed at the hospital in the NICU for the following week having being born prematurely. Premature babies can have serious health problems at birth and later into life, and about 1 in 10 babies in the US are born prematurely.  The World Health Organization lists preterm birth complications as the number 1 cause of death in children under the age of five. You might be shocked to learn that the United States of America is ranked 54th on Born Too Soon the list of Estimated National Rates of Preterm Birth put out by The March of Dimes.  Our country has one of the worst newborn mortality rates of any of the industrialized nations and a higher pre-term birth rate than countries like Sierra Leone, Libya or Cambodia.

The March of Dimes , an organization that has been around for nearly 80 years, is set to change that. I was struck by how little I knew about all of the amazing programs that it supports both here in the US and abroad. Over the past couple of years I have traveled to Ethiopia and South Africa on reporting trips on maternal and newborn health, and written for a number of global non-profits on related issues, My focus on maternal, newborn and child health has been primarily focused on developing countries. As a mother of four children and daughter of a Polio survivor I also advocate for global vaccines with the United Nations Shot@Life campaign, one of the major goals of which is global Polio eradication.  I was fascinated to find out that the March of Dimes had led the fight against Polio when it was founded by FDR in 1938 with the purpose of Polio eradication in the US. The Polio vaccine was developed with funding by the March of Dimes and now there are currently only two countries left in the world that still have Polio, Afghanistan and Pakistan. The Polio virus was successfully eradicated in the US in 1979 thanks in large part to the March of Dimes campaign.

Once that goal was accomplished the robust infrastructure of the March of Dimes was shifted to tackle birth defects, and in the mid 1980s to Community, Advocacy, Research, Education and Support services around premature birth. (the birth of an infant before 37 weeks of pregnancy). If not for the research, programs and services provided by the March of Dimes many babies would never make it past that critical first 24 hour window after birth. Families would be deprived of the guiding services and support that helps them through a frightening time period while their newborn is fighting for their little life.

Healthy Babies are Worth the Wait® is a comprehensive initiative by the March of Dimes to prevent preventable preterm birth, with a focus on reducing elective deliveries before 39 weeks gestation. Healthy Babies are Worth the Wait involves an education and awareness campaign, hospital quality improvement and community intervention programs. These strategies are focused on interventions and activities that have the potential to make an immediate, substantial and measurable impact on preterm birth. – www.marchofdimes.org

The Share Your Story website provides a lifeline to NICU families in an online community, which is an extension of the amazing support services provided by the March of Dimes in the NICU itself. I was able to take a tour of the Women & Infants Hospital NICU in Rhode Island where the March of Dimes is saving newborn lives every day. The 6-year-old 50,000 sq. foot wing here in Rhode Island can treat 82 babies at a time, and in the corner of the wing an entire center for family support provides programs, food, and a fun-filled space for siblings to play.

Baby in NICU

Photo Credit: March of Dimes

Research as to what contributes to premature birth has identified certain risk factors such as multiples, previous preterm births, little or no prenatal care, being overweight or underweight during pregnancy, smoking, drinking alcohol, and drug use, to name a few.  Demographics can also play a role, if you are under 17 or over 35 these are risk factors, and here in the US researchers are working hard to find out why various populations have a higher preterm birth rate than others. Continued research also seeks to answer the question of why preterm birth can also sometimes occur in a healthy mother with none of the predisposing factors, like my sister-in-law so many years ago. My nephew is now a thriving healthy twenty year old, and it is easy to forget those first touch and go weeks of his life when he had been born too soon.

It is estimated that 75% of preterm births could be prevented with proper intervention. The research, education, and advocacy that the March of Dimes provides could save the state of Rhode Island up to $57 million dollars by preventing premature birth in our state, but the March of Dimes could use your help to achieve that ultimate goal. Families and premature babies need your help as well.

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Photo Credit: March of Dimes

Join The community and the March of Dimes for a fun family day on Saturday April 30th at 9am in Bristol, RI and March for Babies with the March of Dimes.

5 Great Father’s Day Gift Ideas for Dads

5 Great Father’s Day Gift Ideas for Dads

It can be really hard to shop for guys sometimes, but Father’s Day is next week and I know some of you are still trying to figure out what to get. Here are a few suggestions, the subtitle of this post being  What my husband is really into right now;

1.

An Audible membership and a few books to start him off. This app has been revolutionary for my husband ‘s commute and for us on long road trips, he even listens to his books while doing work around the house. He love it.

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2.

I’m loving the Tembo Catchall from FashionABLE for him. I had a chance to see the impact this social enterprise has on the lives of women in Ethiopia first hand when I was there a year ago. Not only are their products high quality, and well designed, when you purchase them you improve the lives of others. There is no better gift than that!

fashionable

3.

Beats By Dre Powerbeats Wireless bluetooth headphones. Totally portable and no more annoying cord! My husband uses his all the time for music, workouts and audio books.

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4.

Logitech UE MEGABOOM Bluetooth Wireless Speaker is a mini portable speaker on steroids. This travels everywhere around the house, outside, and on the road with my husband. It rocks!

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5.

Math Formulas Tie by Josh Bach at Uncommon Goods. Uncommon Goods is one of my favorite sources for gift giving, if this tie isn’t quite the thing for the person you have in mind, there are also the constellation socks, or the golf ball cufflinks, among other wonderful items to choose from.

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What else would you add to this list?

Happy Father’s Day to all the dads out there!